Last Night I Felt Like Pookie Up in "The Carter."

Last night was mentally and emotionally horrible!  Usually... Friday nights are family fun nights.  We have a really "fun" kid friendly dinner.  You know, that kind where you don't have to keep asking them to take one more bite.  Negotiating bites like the police negotiate for hostages.    So after clean up we usually pop homemade popcorn in the "air" popper and melt butter and sprinkle salt.  We watch a family movie and chill together.  It's my favorite night of the week!  The start of Shabbat!  

Well last night was different...  Last night I felt like Pookie up in "The Carter!"  I'm not sure if you remember, New Jack City, but Pookie was the recovering addict (played by Chris Rock) that helped the NYPD infiltrate Nino Brown's drug cartel.  There was a scene where Pookie was in "The Carter" where they were cutting crack... and he was having a REALLY hard time not relapsing and eventually the addition over took him and he hit the pipe!!!!  

I'm SOOOOO HAPPY to report I didn't!  I stayed strong and made popcorn for my kids and watched them eat it while I didn't touch not one morsel to my lips.  All praise to Yahweh because that was hard. And that was on the heels of both of my boys eating frosted covered cookies they were given for Dr. Seuss' Birthday.  The smell of sugar and "real flour" sent me close to the edge of raiding my refrigerator for dried FIGS!!!  I know right, lame splurge, but if you know me I can eat like 8 dried figs in one sitting and they have 62.3 grams of sugar per fig... So that's like eating 8 pieces of hard candy or 8 Nestles 100 Grand Candy Bars.  Think I'm joking take a look at this chart http://thepaleodiet.com/fruits-and-sugars/.  However, I didn't succumb to the pressure the feeling inside.  

"crack bags" from "The Morgan"

I kept thinking about something my sister always says, "I was made for more than this"... (taken from a book I think called Made to Crave).  I thought about my yoga lesson from Tuesday, "The pose doesn't start until you want to come out of it!"  (Man, did I want to come up out of my house and go to a Paleo Friendly environment).  And I most importantly, I prayed to Yahweh for strength and control of physical temptation.  I made it though my first Friday Family Fun Night and I have not relapsed.... I will tell any one making a life style change.  Tell people.  The more people that know, who are in your corner, will help you stay "sober."  Having my husband there last night, and joking with him about the situation and making all my "Pookie" references and reenactments totally helped!  Ultimately, I had to keep the end goal in mind...

BTW, I'm still having trouble with nuts... it's like my "go to" thing when I need a little somethin' somethin'!  I've switched to pistachios from cashews...however, if I'm not down a pound in the morning.  I'm officially giving them up!

Down 5 Pounds in 5 Days...

Since I had my kids my biggest challenge has been finding a diet/lifestyle that I can sustain and one what keeps my stomach happy.  When I trained for a show a couple years ago I had no problem eating like a machine (no flavor or variety), because I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel.  See eating egg whites and oatmeal every morning or a can of tuna straight up didn't phase me because I knew I could eat a slice of pizza in 3-4 months if I wanted to.  However, with "Carbohydrate Intolerance" there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  The tunnel is your life.  I want to be fit and healthy, but I also want to enjoy some of the pleasures life has for me.  I had to find a way to make this a lifestyle change, something I could sustain.  I kept thinking of Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 "So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God."  

Yahweh helped... I can do this!  I think I stepped on and off the scale 3 times this morning to see if my new digital scale was trippin'!  5 pounds in less than a week.  I'm so excited!  And this Paleo diet thing has not been too bad.  I think this is something I can sustain.  I just have to keep searching the web for recipes and trying them out!  I thank God for all the bloggers out there who share their recipes.  Big ups to you and thank you from this new Paleo girl!

So if you are thinking of going Paleo and you are like me,  "Crap, I gotta have something comforting in my life or I'm gonna keep hitting the sugar pipe..."  then try this... Google what you want with the word Paleo after it.  Example:  "Pancakes Paleo" or "Tuna Salad Paleo..."  When I tell you those two searches rocked my world this week I'm not exaggerating!

I found a great protein rich Paleo pancake recipe:  http://www.thepaleomom.com/2012/09/perfect-paleo-pancakes.html.  I sprinkled some cinnamon on it and they were perfect!  Loved them!

I also found a great tuna salad recipe: http://everydaypaleo.com/two-minute-tuna-salad/.  I didn't use the capers and I added a little Horseradish Mustard to the dressing!  It think I liked it better than my traditional tuna salad recipe!  It helps to try new things in life!

Put the pictures up...

I thought I'd share my inspiration... These two ladies are what I'm gunning for!  I'm not trying to compete in a show, I just want to look like I could.  The lady on the left has the upper body I want and the lady on the right has the legs... They both have the abs...  So I plan on printing this out and putting it up on my bathroom mirror and in the pantry...where all my kid's healthy snack food resides.  You know, the stuff I can't have any more, like popcorn!  But since I have an image in my head I know cheating will only cheat me out of my goal!

Get your inspiration and keep the vision in front of you always!  

I Hurt So GOOD!!!

I'm starting to enjoy this...  why you ask?  #1 my energy is OFF THE CHAIN!!!!  #2 I'm down to 121.2 pounds from 125 on Sunday!  #3 I don't have cloudy thinking anymore!!!!  Do I still want things I'm not supposed to have, like sugar, popcorn, pizza, feta cheese, rice, oatmeal, quinoa?  Why yes, yes I do, but I want health and a fit body more!

Here are a few of my meals from yesterday.  Besides this, I had an egg veggie scramble, banana and an apple.  So yesterday I ended up eating only one hand full of nuts, and for me that's a miracle;  but after I ate them my stomach hurt, so I think I'm letting them go for real, at least for a time!  Today I haven't had any and I feel AWESOME.

Yesterday was "back and bicep" day at the gym and I just love the post workout sore feeling (that picture was from 2 1/2 years ago.  And trust me when I say I'll look better than this by summer).  Man, is my back talking to me today.  I LOVE IT!!!!  I also took the opportunity to take Yoga from one of my favorite teachers, Karen (her one and only class is at a really "horrible" time for me)!  She teaches Anusara Yoga http://www.anusara.com/ which is all about alignment.  Proper Alignment that is! She said something to us as an offering to ponder "on and off" the mat that stuck with me so much.

"Your pose doesn't start until you want to get out of it."  I examined that on the mat with the postures I want to run from as soon as I get into them (i.e. sleeping tortes).  What type of emotions does this posture bring out of me?  Feelings of inadequacy and frustration?  The voice in my head screaming, "Why can't you get your legs over your elbow crease and fold forward with straight legs and breathe calmly?"  Then I'm reminded to be present and breathe.  The practice doesn't start until I want to go!

Isn't that so life?  How many times do I think when my kids are at school, "I will not yell at them when they are disobedient.  Or, when they are fighting with each other I will remain calm."  In theory, I'm the chillest mom on the planet... but I just got into the "pose" not even a 1/2 second ago.  It's when I'm in the "thick of the moment" that I want to get out of the pose (motherhood...  Calgon take me away.)

that my practice begins!  Then I'm reminded to be present and breathe.  I love lifting weights and getting my pump on, but I so appreciate my yoga practice and what it gives me on and off the mat (grace, patience and flexibility).

3 Pounds Down...

Yesterday was great!  I feel good about my choices... still had more nuts than I should consume.  So I've decided to take them out for a week or so and pray about my lack of "self control."  I've always known I have an additive personality (why I don't drink, smoke or do drugs).  I'm an "all the way in" or "nothing" kind of girl.  But I so want to learn how to eat one piece of chocolate and walk away.  That's called denying your flesh Morgan! I'm good at it in some areas of my life and really piss poor in others.  I don't want to live in the world of complete deprivation for all things that "taste good."  So I'm praying during this process I get better at taking a bite and walking away!  I'm going to practice as I know this is  a skill, but until I get to where I want to be physically I'm going to stop all together.  Once I get to the body I desire, in some way I'll practice since I will have the motivation not to MESS UP all that work.  As of right now I'm like,  "it already looks crappy so go ahead have that extra one, two or three..."  NOT!!!!

I hit the weights hard yesterday. My chest and triceps are sore and I love that feeling!  Hurts so good.  Looking forward to today's work out for sure!  I'm also going to take a Yoga class to keep up with my practice of 3-5 times a week!  So bring on the two-a-days!

I'm happy to report I'm down 3 pounds since Sunday!  So now I have about 7-8 pounds to go.  My husband seems to think I'll get my ten off in less than a month!  We shall see!  Paleo isn't that bad but I do miss my feta cheese egg scrambles.  Breakfast didn't quite taste the same this morning!  But I'm okay with it... As they say, nothing taste better than feeling health feels.  I AGREE 100%!!!

Blessings flow from obedience

Are you kidding me?  I gained 5 pounds in a week...  I guess all my "eating stuff I've gotta let go of on Sunday" caught up with me.  Not sure why I didn't think 5 peanut butter spoons a day with rice cakes were NOT going to phase me.  Or that half of a medium Jules gluten free pizza and homemade popcorn everyday for a week by the "big bowl" was just going to magically be okay! Laughing over here, NOT!!!!  I'm just thankful my addiction is food.  I have sympathy for those quitting drugs and alcohol.  I understand with greater empathy why some individuals overdose right before they go into rehab.  I sure was overdosing on the foods I knew I had to "give up."

So my BMI is 21.5 (http://nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bminojs.htm).  I'm not too happy with that!  My weight is 125.  I'm not too happy with that!  I can't even get my skinny jeans up on my thigh.  I'm not too happy with that!  And this morning I put on my "biggest" jeans for church and they were tight.  I'm definitely not too happy about that!  I'm not a girl that get's caught up in scales and numbers but my clothes and my energy level always respond best when I'm resting at 115.  So ten pounds it is!

I also realized today I'm not hungry but I'm not satisfied.  Such a horrible feeling!!!  I eat and I always feel like I want something else... I know this too will pass... so I will live in obedience because I want the blessings to flow!

This might be hard, but I'm ready for the challenge.  Tomorrow I start my BODY smack down with Jamie Eason's Live Fit 12 week trainer http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-eason-livefit-trainer.html.  I'm not using her eating plan as I'm PALEO but I'm using her training schedule and I'm continuing with my yoga practice.  Pictures of my before body to come tomorrow!!!  Big stomach and all!  I promise I'm gonna keep this blog real.

Meal #1:  Salmon Cake with (Almond Flour) and Banana
Meal #2:  Two Eggs Hard Boiled with Carrot Ginger Soup and Raspberries and Blue Berries
Meal #3:  Mix Green Salad with Cashews and homemake Apple, Ginger, Garlic dressing.
Meal #4:  Trout, Green Beans, Salad, with Olive Oil and Lemon
Water:  80 oz and 2 cups of tea Ginger and Green with Agave.

My issue today:  Ate too many cashews... trying to fill a void.  Asked husband to get propane tank so I can grill up some food so I have more protein on hand when I'm hungry!

Game On!

All right, tomorrow starts my 12 week smack down and I'm ready!  I must admit I've been in quite a FUNK for 4 months for a plethora of reasons.  First off, I'm not a huge fan of winter and  once the cold sets in (i.e. I can't go outside without a jacket on.  I HATE big coats) I slide into the winter BLUES.  I'm sure in retirement I'll have a house in AZ or FL.  Marcus, (clearing my throat very loudly) we need to start saving!  Second, I was having major digestive issues and I felt like I couldn't eat and digest protein, so I lost sooooooo much muscle definition and anyone who knows me knows I like a "fit" body!  After trying to find out what foods I was allergic to through an elimination diet (by the way it didn't help my situation).  I found a doctor who figured out, I not only had a gluten sensitivity (went gluten free 2/12) but a complete Carbohydrate Intolerance.  Fermented sugar in my gut and a lack of digestive enzymes were causing my MAJOR stomach issues/pain.

But WHAT THE HECK.  Carbohydrate Intolerance.  Are you kidding me?  You've got to be joking.  I looked a the list of foods I could have and I was like this is PALEO (minus the limited dairy I could have)... Please just shoot me (kidding).  I'm healthy, I eat clean, but I don't know if I want to be this healthy.  I can't have oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa??!!!  See I not only can't I have carbohydrates I can't have honey or dried fruit... Nothing that makes life, oh I meant to say meals, sweet!

So I find this information out 2/1/13.  I'm ticked... pissed off... irritated and sad.  Not to mention going through serious physical withdrawals from sugar (yes it is a drug).  The funny things is I didn't even eat processed sugar, hadn't for over a year.  My sugar came in the form of dried fruit; however, if you look at this cart http://thepaleodiet.com/fruits-and-sugars/ you can see I WAS eating SUGAR!!!!  LOTS of it!

I can't eat dairy because I have issues with my sinus (what got me in this dietary quandary in the first place.  Long story for a later post), and dairy produces too much mucus in the body.  So feta, goat cheese, and yogurt are out; even though they are on my "Carbohydrate Intolerance" approved list.  So PALEO it is...

Once I made up my mind I figured I might as well blog about it and share my experiences with anyone who might want to tune into my daily musings.  A couple of friends said, "Kimberly, this is easy for you!"  I must reply with NO IT ISN'T!!!  I struggle with wanting to eat the foods I'm emotional tied to, just like you... So I say, "Hello, my name is Kimberly and I'm a sugar/carbohydrate addict."  The difference, I'm determined to do it with a positive attitude.   Tomorrow I start my new exercise schedule and eating plan (my wonderful and supportive husband has agreed to go Paleo with me. Albeit 12 weeks).  I have a trip to Miami with my lover in July of 2013 and I want to get super sexy for him and our adult vacation.  So I say... GAME ON!