Still down 5 pounds and muscle is coming back.

So it's been a minute since I've had the opportunity to sit down and write... I so wish I could write everyday, but reality is I'm a wife and mom and those jobs trump "blogger!" At this point in time, I'm holding at 120.  Still a little frustrated by that number (just being real), but I'm feeling really strong and I feel like when I do lose weight it will be because I've permanently shifted my life style.  I will have lost the weight doing something my body can and will support long term.  I will be eating in a manner consistent with longevity.  When I was unable to digest protein without pain about 3 months ago I think the hardest thing I had to watch was all my muscle definition go away!  In February I felt like I was starting from scratch as I saw my once "cut" frame become light and fluffy (I am aware some people like like and fully; however, I am not one of them!)

I can't believe I have two more days in week 4 of my 12 week trainer (www.bodybuilding.com) Jamie Eason's 12 Week Trainer.  After reviewing phase II last night I think I'm going to love it!  I'm excited about putting cardio back in my day/week!  I'm sure I'll see some changes with this addition to my workout routine.  Can't wait to post I've broken the 120's.  Here's a picture of my bicep after 3 1/3 weeks of working out with weights and proper nutrition.

Well, back to things Paleo! I'm excited to report my husband is down almost 15 pounds in 3 1/3 weeks and he is feeling really good!  Go Marc, Go!!!!  As for me I'm still loving it I just really want to not CRAVE nuts!  I'm doing well not consuming too many (I know, I know I was supposed to give them up!  I'm human), but I hate that my obsession with carbs turned into a nut obsession!  Oh well... I guess I could have much worse additions; however, in the quest for a fly body, nuts do not mix in well with that equation.

So as promised, I said I would start to feature some of my favorite blog sites:

www.paleoplan.com

I like this site because it is simple and organized. Recipes are easy to follow and taste really good. One of my favorites: Chicken Fajitas with Guacamole.  Below is my version! I don't buy into any of the "paid plan" stuff but what they give for "free" is good information! Please note: I do not condone eating any pork or shell food (Any food outside Leviticus 11 is off my list of foods I'll eat)... but sometimes you can view the recipe and substitute a clean meat! Enjoy my first recommended site.

Subtle & Small Changes: But Changes Nonetheless

I told you my efforts are centered around healthy living and being the best I can be!  The strongest!  The most BALANCED!  I'd be lying to you if I said I don't care what the scale says (btw still 120 and holding), but I'm happier two weeks out, especially when I see pictures tell me what I can't see everyday!  I'm in two full weeks and 3 days; however, I'm in my 3rd week of training (Bodybuilding.com Jamie Eason's 12 week program).  And I can see changes in my body!  I'm excited about that!  More muscle and smaller stomach for sure!  I have 9 more weeks and I know I'll progress so much more!

Week #0

Week #2

I'm happy about my increase in strength as I've been able to do some things in Yoga class I've never been able to do before with ease! I think I've gotten braver too... like I stated before the pose doesn't start until you want to come out of it!  And I'm okay with falling on my face if I know I TRIED!!!!  Erasing FEAR!!!  Here are the three poses I most proud of this week...

1.  Wild Thing flipped into Wheel on both sides.  This is a picture of wild thing but imagine flipping in to the picture below but on your hands not your forearms.

2.  Forearm Wheel

3.  Lotus Peacock

I really thought going Paleo was going to be harder.  Don't get me wrong it was pretty hard at first as I was detoxing off sugar and carbs, but now that my blood sugar's not spiking all the time I find I have greater energy, a sense of peace and balance.  I'm grateful!

Next few blogs are all about food!  The dishes I like.  Discoveries I've made.  The websites I love.   Thanks for taking this journey with me!

Celebrate small victories: Down one more pound

I promise I stepped on the scale each day this week and it read 121.2.  I felt like I was in the movie Ground Hog day!  I was grateful for not gaining but I wanted the sale to move, at least an ounce.  Somedays I jumped on and off the scale hoping it would measure something else.  I moved the scale.  Had my kids step on it to see if it would reset.  I looking in the mirror and asked why (won't you move down) and what (am I doing wrong)?  I know, I know, as a personal trainer I used to tell my clients all the time to trust the process.  Don't worry about what the scale says.  Stay focused and compliant and the scale will move or at least your clothes will fit better.  I wanted to roll my eyes at my trainer.  Oh yeah, "that" trainer is me.

So this week I was asked by a really good friend who has cancer if she should have a double or single mastectomy?  And since I haven't given her my answer yet I'm not going to tell you what I think.  However, the question had me "question" a lot of things in my own life.  A lot of times we can make decisions for others about choices that might seem "vain" easily; however, when you turn the mirror on yourself you can see the complication.  Her question made me look at myself as well.  At some point I thought about getting breast implants (2 1/2 years of nursing my boys almost back to back) took it's toll on the girls).  But I thought about why I wanted it.  Was/Is it vanity especially if my husband is content with me?  The fact that I want ripped abs, almost to the point of obsession, vanity?

A lot of times she thinks she's not able to "help" me do anything because she's fighting cancer; however, she always make me think.  Makes me question what I do (in a good way).  She challenges my beliefs (making me readjust or confirming them with greater conviction), and that my friend is one of the greatest "helps" you can give this stay-at-home mamma! This week I learned a huge lesson....

Always press towards your vision and goals; however, make sure those vision have the right motives behind them.  True confession:  I wanted the body first (vanity)... Health was a byproduct....  Now I'm striving for heath first and the body will follow!  I'm going to enjoy the Paleo/fitness process and celebrate where I am at this very moment (I'm loving energy level)!  Healthier and stronger...Hope you can do the same!  BTW, I relaxed and this morning the scale read 120.2!  I'll celebrate the small victories!

Point of Frustration...

I stepped on the scale this AM and it said I was 121.  A pound up!  Boy am I glad I don't get caught up in numbers, but I do have to admit I was disappointed.  Especially since I have given up nuts (I did have two servings, but then I was immediately directed to an article about how nuts can be "harmful" for people with Autoimmune Conditions like I have.  One of my favorite websites: www.the paleomom.com has a great article about it all (http://www.thepaleomom.com/2013/03/gluten-cross-reactivity-update-how-your-body-can-still-think-youre-eating-gluten-even-after-giving-it-up.html) ! So now I'm really going to give it up!  The older I get and the more I understand about my dietary issues the harder this gets and the more frustrated I become.  I think back to those days when I could seemingly eat anything and stay healthy and fit.  Now I'm eating super clean and working my tail off at the gym and somedays I'm left shaking my head!  I often hear that voice telling me to "give up and just eat/live how you want..."  But then I get really indignant and I say NO!!!  "The voice in my head that says I can't do this is a liar!!!"

Yesterday I was seriously confronted with this in yoga class.  After almost 2 1/2 months of "missing" one of my favorite yoga classes due to my boy's swimming lesson I rejoined one of the most inspiring class communities I've ever been a part of.  It's a class where you clap for people that do super amazing things with their bodies (stuff that shouldn't be possible).  Things you dream and wish you could do!  I'd say I fall in the top middle half of the class in ability to do some of those super hard postures.  Well, yesterday our instructor wanted to test the limits.  There were three pose sequences that he put together that had me sounding like a cussing cartoon character (frinkin, frackin, fruckin...)  I was soooooo frustrated when I left the class because my mind thought I could do the poses but my body said, NOPE!!!  I spent the night thinking about my frustration on the mat and how that frustration happens off the mat as well.

Then I had one of those moments that helped me embrace my current position in life!  I thought about how I kept collapsing on the mat over and over again.  Falling out of positions and getting stuck in certain positions, not able to move in or out of it freely.  What was the alternative:  NOT TRYING at ALL!!!  I don't think so.  See even though I failed I was getting stronger and more limber with each attempt.  But the most important thing that was happening is I was testing my limits and eliminating fear.  You see I was afraid of crashing on my head as I tried to move from camel into wheel and come out of wheel into a standing position without hurting myself.   Well, I only got from Camel to a back bend with my heads touching the floor.  I never made it up to wheel from there... but I TRIED.  I also tried Peacock Pose and fell flat on my face.  I took a step out loud in front of the entire class.  Did I succeed?  No!!  But I won because I tried.  Can't get better if you don't test the limits.

Each day I don't eat a carbohydrate.  Each day I don't eat a nut.  Each day I try to make food a fuel source and not an emotional experience.  I TRY!  I get to silence the voice in my head that says, "Just give up and I work on patience and resisting frustration/trusting the process.  I'm so totally a work in progress.  So I choose not to be frustrated by the scale or by falling on my face in Peacock Pose, but I celebrate that I put on a workout shirt that has been in hiding since last summer and I was able to do a freestanding handstand today (if only it was for 5 seconds).  I didn't touch the wall not once with my feet.

About to start a food log again... YUCK!

When I was training for a show a couple years ago I wrote down everything that went into my mouth.  I kept track of it all and while I was not a fan of doing that everyday it was extremely helpful in understanding calories consumed and the effect of certain foods on my body.  I did the same when I was having digestive issues and trying to figure out what my "trigger" foods were!  However, these days I'm not so much a fan of "keeping" track; however, I'm frustrated because my body is taking notes.  I'm not a scale girl (even though I was ticked I was up a pound this AM 121); however, I know I'm not 100% compliant with my intake of NUTS... Man these little things are making me sick!  My body let go of the carbs, I have not cheated.  NOT ONCE!  But it wants the NUTS and this is making me NUTS.  I don't want to give them up totally but I have to do a much better job of controlling my intake.  So here goes:  I WILL NOT EAT THEM FOR A WEEK and I will track my food intake on http://www.myfitnesspal.com/!!!!  Let's see what happens to the scale and my waistline...

I was having a discussion with my sister friend yesterday and she said, "Don't get too skinny.  I don't want you looking weird.  I notice you get 'happy' when you lose weight."  I thought about that statement for a moment and I realized that happiness and energy are only the byproduct of what really brings me joy:  Obedience to discipline.  When I deny my flesh and overcome the pull of my carnal mind I find satisfaction because I pulls me closer to Yahweh.  I'm thankful that I'm able to overcome the "Lust of the Flesh..." and listen more to His leading.  I feel like I'm a step closer to becoming who He wants me to be... Totally dependent on HIM and what He desires for my life.  Not succumbing to the pull of that voice in my head that's asking, begging me, to destroy the picture of who He created me to be in my mind.  Like I said in my last post "I was made for more!!!"  You see, the physical discipline (food, my diet, my appearance, my environment/is my house clean?) is the outward expression of the inward discipline going on or the lack there of...

I'M OBSESSED WITH THE PICTURE HE HAS FOR ME... NO ROOM FOR LAZINESS OR PROCRASTINATION!!!

Last Night I Felt Like Pookie Up in "The Carter."

Last night was mentally and emotionally horrible!  Usually... Friday nights are family fun nights.  We have a really "fun" kid friendly dinner.  You know, that kind where you don't have to keep asking them to take one more bite.  Negotiating bites like the police negotiate for hostages.    So after clean up we usually pop homemade popcorn in the "air" popper and melt butter and sprinkle salt.  We watch a family movie and chill together.  It's my favorite night of the week!  The start of Shabbat!  

Well last night was different...  Last night I felt like Pookie up in "The Carter!"  I'm not sure if you remember, New Jack City, but Pookie was the recovering addict (played by Chris Rock) that helped the NYPD infiltrate Nino Brown's drug cartel.  There was a scene where Pookie was in "The Carter" where they were cutting crack... and he was having a REALLY hard time not relapsing and eventually the addition over took him and he hit the pipe!!!!  

I'm SOOOOO HAPPY to report I didn't!  I stayed strong and made popcorn for my kids and watched them eat it while I didn't touch not one morsel to my lips.  All praise to Yahweh because that was hard. And that was on the heels of both of my boys eating frosted covered cookies they were given for Dr. Seuss' Birthday.  The smell of sugar and "real flour" sent me close to the edge of raiding my refrigerator for dried FIGS!!!  I know right, lame splurge, but if you know me I can eat like 8 dried figs in one sitting and they have 62.3 grams of sugar per fig... So that's like eating 8 pieces of hard candy or 8 Nestles 100 Grand Candy Bars.  Think I'm joking take a look at this chart http://thepaleodiet.com/fruits-and-sugars/.  However, I didn't succumb to the pressure the feeling inside.  

"crack bags" from "The Morgan"

I kept thinking about something my sister always says, "I was made for more than this"... (taken from a book I think called Made to Crave).  I thought about my yoga lesson from Tuesday, "The pose doesn't start until you want to come out of it!"  (Man, did I want to come up out of my house and go to a Paleo Friendly environment).  And I most importantly, I prayed to Yahweh for strength and control of physical temptation.  I made it though my first Friday Family Fun Night and I have not relapsed.... I will tell any one making a life style change.  Tell people.  The more people that know, who are in your corner, will help you stay "sober."  Having my husband there last night, and joking with him about the situation and making all my "Pookie" references and reenactments totally helped!  Ultimately, I had to keep the end goal in mind...

BTW, I'm still having trouble with nuts... it's like my "go to" thing when I need a little somethin' somethin'!  I've switched to pistachios from cashews...however, if I'm not down a pound in the morning.  I'm officially giving them up!

Down 5 Pounds in 5 Days...

Since I had my kids my biggest challenge has been finding a diet/lifestyle that I can sustain and one what keeps my stomach happy.  When I trained for a show a couple years ago I had no problem eating like a machine (no flavor or variety), because I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel.  See eating egg whites and oatmeal every morning or a can of tuna straight up didn't phase me because I knew I could eat a slice of pizza in 3-4 months if I wanted to.  However, with "Carbohydrate Intolerance" there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  The tunnel is your life.  I want to be fit and healthy, but I also want to enjoy some of the pleasures life has for me.  I had to find a way to make this a lifestyle change, something I could sustain.  I kept thinking of Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 "So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God."  

Yahweh helped... I can do this!  I think I stepped on and off the scale 3 times this morning to see if my new digital scale was trippin'!  5 pounds in less than a week.  I'm so excited!  And this Paleo diet thing has not been too bad.  I think this is something I can sustain.  I just have to keep searching the web for recipes and trying them out!  I thank God for all the bloggers out there who share their recipes.  Big ups to you and thank you from this new Paleo girl!

So if you are thinking of going Paleo and you are like me,  "Crap, I gotta have something comforting in my life or I'm gonna keep hitting the sugar pipe..."  then try this... Google what you want with the word Paleo after it.  Example:  "Pancakes Paleo" or "Tuna Salad Paleo..."  When I tell you those two searches rocked my world this week I'm not exaggerating!

I found a great protein rich Paleo pancake recipe:  http://www.thepaleomom.com/2012/09/perfect-paleo-pancakes.html.  I sprinkled some cinnamon on it and they were perfect!  Loved them!

I also found a great tuna salad recipe: http://everydaypaleo.com/two-minute-tuna-salad/.  I didn't use the capers and I added a little Horseradish Mustard to the dressing!  It think I liked it better than my traditional tuna salad recipe!  It helps to try new things in life!