I stepped on the scale this AM and it said I was 121. A pound up! Boy am I glad I don't get caught up in numbers, but I do have to admit I was disappointed. Especially since I have given up nuts (I did have two servings, but then I was immediately directed to an article about how nuts can be "harmful" for people with Autoimmune Conditions like I have. One of my favorite websites: www.the paleomom.com has a great article about it all (http://www.thepaleomom.com/2013/03/gluten-cross-reactivity-update-how-your-body-can-still-think-youre-eating-gluten-even-after-giving-it-up.html) ! So now I'm really going to give it up! The older I get and the more I understand about my dietary issues the harder this gets and the more frustrated I become. I think back to those days when I could seemingly eat anything and stay healthy and fit. Now I'm eating super clean and working my tail off at the gym and somedays I'm left shaking my head! I often hear that voice telling me to "give up and just eat/live how you want..." But then I get really indignant and I say NO!!! "The voice in my head that says I can't do this is a liar!!!"
Yesterday I was seriously confronted with this in yoga class. After almost 2 1/2 months of "missing" one of my favorite yoga classes due to my boy's swimming lesson I rejoined one of the most inspiring class communities I've ever been a part of. It's a class where you clap for people that do super amazing things with their bodies (stuff that shouldn't be possible). Things you dream and wish you could do! I'd say I fall in the top middle half of the class in ability to do some of those super hard postures. Well, yesterday our instructor wanted to test the limits. There were three pose sequences that he put together that had me sounding like a cussing cartoon character (frinkin, frackin, fruckin...) I was soooooo frustrated when I left the class because my mind thought I could do the poses but my body said, NOPE!!! I spent the night thinking about my frustration on the mat and how that frustration happens off the mat as well.
Then I had one of those moments that helped me embrace my current position in life! I thought about how I kept collapsing on the mat over and over again. Falling out of positions and getting stuck in certain positions, not able to move in or out of it freely. What was the alternative: NOT TRYING at ALL!!! I don't think so. See even though I failed I was getting stronger and more limber with each attempt. But the most important thing that was happening is I was testing my limits and eliminating fear. You see I was afraid of crashing on my head as I tried to move from camel into wheel and come out of wheel into a standing position without hurting myself. Well, I only got from Camel to a back bend with my heads touching the floor. I never made it up to wheel from there... but I TRIED. I also tried Peacock Pose and fell flat on my face. I took a step out loud in front of the entire class. Did I succeed? No!! But I won because I tried. Can't get better if you don't test the limits.
Each day I don't eat a carbohydrate. Each day I don't eat a nut. Each day I try to make food a fuel source and not an emotional experience. I TRY! I get to silence the voice in my head that says, "Just give up and I work on patience and resisting frustration/trusting the process. I'm so totally a work in progress. So I choose not to be frustrated by the scale or by falling on my face in Peacock Pose, but I celebrate that I put on a workout shirt that has been in hiding since last summer and I was able to do a freestanding handstand today (if only it was for 5 seconds). I didn't touch the wall not once with my feet.
No comments:
Post a Comment